Top Pickleball Pointers For Newbies

Try having a conversation with anyone over the age of 30 these days, and you’ll undoubtedly start discussing pickleball. No sport in American history has become as popular, so quickly, among middle-aged white people as pickleball, unless you consider podcasting a sport. 

Pickleball’s popularity has spread so widely that hotels worldwide are getting rid of tired amenities like “front desk staff” and “sheets” and instead focusing resources on pickleball courts. “Come stay at the Renaissance Tacoma: The bedbugs can’t bite you when you’re busy playing pickleball!”

One such hotel is The Boca Raton Resort and Spa, which, for the record, still provides sheets. It is the iconic centerpiece of Boca Raton, a city in South Florida that loosely translates to “Tropical Long Island.” The historic resort was founded by visionary developer Addison Mizner, who, back in 1926, looked at an alligator-filled swamp and declared, “This would be a great place for pickleball!”

The Boca Raton is a high-end resort targeting those who can afford extravagant luxuries like Italian socks and health insurance. It features a private beach club, a private golf course, and a coffee shop that sells $8 bagels. Most importantly, it offers pickleball courts, and even more importantly, it boasts pickleball courts with a bar in the middle. This way, no one ever has to admit they whiffed a pickleball shot sober.

Since the only way I could find to avoid talking about Cryptocurrency with men my age was to play pickleball, I decided I should take a lesson. And wouldn’t you know it, The Boca Raton was nice enough to invite me in, graciously overlooking the fact I’d be valet parking a Kia Rio.

Lest you think pickleball is only for those who no longer have their original hips, the Boca Raton pickleball pro was a guy named XZander, a name that only became legal to give children in 2003. That’s long after the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s 1988 lawn darts ban, which killed the classic sport. I asked XZander how long it took him to achieve pro-level proficiency at pickleball, and he said, “About six months.”

Good news: unlike tennis, you can become an elite-level player without years of costly private instruction from a coach who waterboards everyone who misses a forehand. No wonder this sport is so popular.

The first thing XZander told me was that stretching before you play is essential. Not only to avoid injury but also to prevent having to make up a story about how you pulled your groin that doesn’t involve saying, “I hurt it playing pickleball.”

XZander proceeded to show me the four basic hits of pickleball, which are just like the four basic hits of any racquet sport, but they have fun names like “dink” and “donk.” Within five minutes of exchanging ground strokes, I was fairly confident I could win Wimbledon, or whatever the pickleball equivalent of Wimbledon is.

After 45 minutes, XZander proudly proclaimed that I was ready to play pickleball competitively. This basically meant I had functional lungs and enough hand-eye coordination to brush my teeth. 

“You’re a natural!” XZander said as I effortlessly tapped a backhand over the net. I felt a little swell of pride. Clearly, he saw I had pro potential. That is, until he hit a shot over 8 miles an hour, and I missed it by 2 feet.

But that is the beauty of pickleball, I suppose. It’s easy to learn but challenging to master, and a good way to get some exercise if you’re allergic to the gym. I’m not sure I’ll be taking up the sport full-time or investing in a custom paddle or two, even if XZander secretly thinks it would be a waste of natural talent for me not to do so. Podcasting might be easier.